Hello! I know it has been a while, I’m back with a slightly different kind of post.I really want to open up about this problem of mine. I think it’s time I share more about myself and let the world help me.
I’ve mentioned this in a post before, where I wanted to “commit” to posting for 30days, and guess what? I didn’t even last a week!
This is not the only time I failed to follow through with something. I’m quite surprised I got through education without second guessing myself but that may be because it felt like I was obliged to do so. It was something that had to be done, just like breathing and blinking is something we do without thinking, education and turning up for work was and is something that seemed like it was part of my life, naturally, it has to be done.
However this is not the case when it comes to anything else I want to commit to. I think, in fact, I know it is because I can choose to quit before failing so I don’t follow through. As I’m writing this I’m quickly realising that my commitment issues may correlate with the potential to fail and later becoming lazy as soon as I know things are getting tough, at whatever it is I do.
For example, I used to play the veena and had vocal lessons. I love anything to do with music it’s always been that way. It was all fine until it became a chore to practice for exams and knowing I have the potential to fail, I became uninterested and started to slack, I later stopped playing and singing and haven’t gone back since. I wish i did because I was pretty good when I did play but I just lacked the motivation and self encouragement to carry on.
It’s a shame because even though I may not have been the next X-factor finalist, I could have been a great singer even if it was for myself, or I could have turned this blog into so much more if I gave it more time and attention. Just like this I attempted many things but quit before I knew I could fail and disappoint myself or others. Even things such as driving, this blog and relationships. It’s getting so frustrating, I’m 23 with a job I’m hating, lack of motivation towards life and this huge commitment issue!
I feel like I haven’t achieved anything I wanted by this age. I realise for many of you 23 is still a very young age but when you are surrounded by friends and friends of friends having already established a good career and lifestyle, it makes you feel kind of sh*t! Then again, I’m just looking in on their lives from the outside. I know many of them have worked very hard to get to where they are and they may be dealing with personal issues themselves but I don’t know anyone that has trouble to commit and accomplish things as much as I do.
Is there anyone else that feels this way? How do you overcome this? Help a sister out…